At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Randomize
