When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
