My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
