I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
