There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I want a musical about memes.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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