Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
