Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
