You're my little dorito
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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