So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
