how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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