if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
