oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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