Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I smell stomach acid.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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