I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
