i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
