Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
