We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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