I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just threw up on my dentist
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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