After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
