And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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