I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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