are you still at the devil's house?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
