I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
