So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
