Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
