so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
