Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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