he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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