porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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