Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
