my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
