Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
