trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
