you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
