I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize