he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
