Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
