what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Operation Purity has been aborted
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
