Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
