Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
