Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
