i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
