I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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