When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
