My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
