I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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