So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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