I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
