I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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