I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
zippers are such a cool invention
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
