Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
