You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
