I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
