Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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