Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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