I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
