Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
In America we eat man semen.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
