Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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