im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
