she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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