He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
