I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
