Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
