How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize