How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
