Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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