so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize