"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize