I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
