When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
