Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
